At precisely 1:22 am and 35 seconds, an illegal gaming tournament was shookdown by 9 brave SWATers.
Reports were leaked from an inside source. As a professional cosplayer, she knew the laws of gaming tournaments forward and back. In an interview after the bust she said while she was cosplaying a blue dot with a synthesized voice,
“As a gamer myself, I know the laws and I was shocked to find out there were tournaments being held breaking the law. I went to police with my suspicions and they planted me in several conventions as a professional cosplayer. After that it was easy to get the lowdown on these underground gaming tournaments. That’s when I was horrified to see all the gamers wearing pants. It was enough to make me sick sometimes. Luckily for me, my first offical sting had me cosplaying a vomiting corpses. ”
In 2006 the law of No Pants Gaming was brought before the Supreme Court. The law states:
Under penile code 6″, all gaming will hereby taketh place withoutith pants. This hereby includes: corduroy pants, jean pants, cutoff pants, Capri pants, shorts, pajama pants, khakis, latex spray on pants, and assless chaps. All violators will be punished at the full extent of the law. Sentence will be no shorter than 6 months away from electronics. Harsher violations can included up to a 1 year internship with Daybreak Games or a lecture from Derek Smart on self-control. On this day August 21st 2006, given to the Supreme Court with a unanimous decision, we hereby dub thee No Pants Gaming Law.
Ever since that day in 2006, gamers have been singing the word of gospel for this law. Recently, a gang of ruthless underground tournament goers have been flagrantly breaking the law. A specialized SWAT was put together to stop this gruesome behavior.
One SWAT member stated, “We seen it all in the past 3 months. We’ve seen people making excuses like: my shoes are off a was about to or this is my mother’s basement she is worried we’ll have sex if our pants are off. It’s just down right disgusting.”
There were 28 people arrested tonight. All in violation of the No Pants Gaming Law. Some of the lesser violators got off with just a slap on the ass. It was proven they were only 4″ and that is acceptable to wear pants. Even though, they should’ve had their zipper down and their pants unbuttoned. The most extreme violator was the announcer. He was wearing skinny jeans and underneath them some padded biking shorts. He said he had a 5 mile bike ride and it chaffs his cheeks if he doesn’t wear them, but we later clocked his route and it was just under 4 miles. Proving he could’ve just worn underwear and used a chaff roll on stick.
As shocking as this story is, people are secretly wearing pants while they game. The police officers are over worked and under paid to catch all these criminals. It’s our duty to report any violators. Only you can prevent pants gaming parties!