Recently, a group of scientists at the University of Maryland discovered Twitter tweets can be misunderstood. To prove their hypothesis they studied a 1000 monkeys with Twitter accounts. Here are some tweets they complied and the response the monkeys got:
“We the people of tA untity states of Murica… ” via @monkey34
“@monkey34 damn moron learn to spell. Even a 1000 monkeys on 1000 typewriters can spell better than you!” via @damnmonkeycantspell
“I had too many bananas this morning and keep farting in my cage. The monkey next to me writing the Constitution is disgusted.” via @monkey36
“ASSHOLE! ” via @monkey34
” SEA-DOO DJSDKDKD D DNDKKDKCKG TFBS FEJRBD WOEJX” via @monkey57
“My dad died while riding a Sea-Doo. I can’t believe you’re so disrespectful of Sea-Doo accident victims. What is wrong with you” via @SeaDooDoo
Over the course of 3 weeks locked in cages tweeting here are some of the things that happened to the monkeys:
1. 15 monkeys were blocked and reported as spam.
2. 4 monkeys were unfollowed by other monkeys because they felt like they hated them.
3. 6 monkeys deleted their accounts after an argument
4. 12 monkeys were accused of starting an apocalyptic disease and Brad Pitt denied any involvement.
5. 703 monkeys cut grammatical corners to reach the 140 characters, but we’re still misunderstood
6. 17 Red Butt Baboons got their butt hurt from something someone said.
7. 45 Silverbacks argued about the best Nickleback album ever made. Nobody else cared.
8. Right turn Clyde
9. 23 monkeys shared their feelings and got told to suck it up.
10. 562 monkeys signed the Change.org petition against the scientists’ experiment.
Over the courses of the study the scientists took a poll to see how happy the monkeys were with their tweet responses. Here are the results:
56% felt misunderstood
34% felt unhappy after using Twitter
5% flung poo randomly
3% are addicted to Twitter drama
2% died from malnutrition
None wrote the Constitution successfully
Scientists are still baffled as to why they used monkeys for this experiment and not rats. They’re sure rats would have yielded better results.