Tag Archives: marriage

Studies Confirm Your Wife has Gamedar

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The apocalypse had begun!

A breakthrough in the study of Extra Sensory Perception (ESP) at the University of California has discovered wives develop a 6th sense called, Gamedar. They don’t know exactly when it develops, but they’ve narrowed it down to be between eating wedding cake and having sex for the fist time after being married. Because men need cake and sex, there is no stopping the ESP from maturing. Our only hope is to find how it is spread.

The University of Texas suggests Gamedar is transmitted through the tossing of the bouquet. Some men have tried plastic flowers in hopes the disease cannot spread via artificial bouquets. So far, all attempt to stop the spread of Gamedar has failed. Several weddings have banned bouquet tossing, but the University of Texas believes women preform a secret witch ritual that involves all pets in the household. If the wife is gone for any reason, the pets are activated and we’ll ruin any gaming session by: vomiting, pooping on controllers, urinating everywhere, fighting, running in traffic, faking a hairball, and laying on keyboards.

The frat houses at Harvard University are working around the clock to formulate a vaccine for this horrible disease. In their studies they’ve put together a checklist to help engaged men spot an early onset of Gamedar. Here is that checklist:

1. Your fiancee watches you play video games and smiles semi-evilly.

2. Your fiancee asks you stupid ass questions while you’re playing simple games like Angry Birds.

3. Your fiancee happily grabs a controller and “tries”  to play too.

4. Your fiancee touches your penis more while you’re playing video games.

5. Your fiancee tells you she doesn’t mind you raiding all night while her friends are out having a great time at the bar. She just loves you so much she wants to spend every moment with you.

If you see any of these symptoms, please call 1-888-GAMEDAR. Our operators are standing by 24/7 to help you through this crisis.  Act now and we’ll throw in World of Warcraft’s 3rd expansion, Cataclysm, for free.

Husband Puts Down Controller. Wife Expects Him to Clean

HUSBAND: I just put the controller down for 10 seconds to take a bite of my sandwich and wash it down with a beer.

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10 seconds could mean life or death

The husband claimed with a sincere tone.

WIFE: He was just sitting there staring off into space and I needed help.

Hands on her hips looking over her shoulder annoyed at her husband of 14 years, she gives him The Eye.

HUSBAND: But I was still playing… I… I was just taking a 10 second break in between matches.

Petrified his wife will throw the pepper shaker again, he prematurely cowers down.

WIFE : He’s a sweet man he really is. I just think he can’t grasp time very good. Bless his heart and his video game hobby, but I kind of need a little help around the house. After all, he was just daydreaming for 5 minutes.

A couple beautiful butterflies spring out of nowhere and dance around her shoulders weaving in and out of the spontaneous rainbow a over her head.

HUSBAND: SHIT! The Guilt-Trip rainbow and the Butterflies of Doom. Ok, ok how about I do some laundry really quick for you my sweet blossom of life?

Sweat beads slowly formed on his brow ready to attack his eyes with stinging fury.

WIFE: Awe! That is so sweet of you to offer to do that. While you’re doing the laundry I’ll just:

1. Do the dishes
2. Prep dinner
3. Vacuum the whole damn house
4. Pick up YOUR kids from school and wipe their snotty little noses
5. Take the dogs out to shit
6. Mow the fucking lawn and step in the shit
7. Track dog shit on freshly vacuumed rug
8. Scrape shit off my old ass shoes because you buy video games instead of nice clothes for your once beautiful wife, now old and fat from depression because you don’t do shit around the house and you’re lousy in bed.

Deep breath

9. Steam clean the carpet
10. Feed your pimpley ass that festers bacteria from sitting on it all day playing vid-eeoooh gaaamez
11. Pick up the crumbs off the floor in the living room because you can’t eat at the table like a civilized human being. No! You just sit there in front of that TV staring off into space because you don’t find me attractive anymore. You want to have sex with those women you play games with, don’t you?

12. Tuck you in at night and lovingly kiss your forehead. Love you sweetie!

13. Stay up until 3am crying over a bottle of wine while I delete all your gaming progress.

14. Masturbate in triumph!

She bats her eyes and heavenly music comes from nowhere, but everywhere.

HUSBAND: 10 seconds… It was 10 seconds… I don’t know what happened… 10 seconds…