Tag Archives: Blizzard

2015 MMO Blogger Meet Cancelled

It sucks I’m the bearer of bad news, but this year’s Blogger Dead Horse Beating Meating (BDHBM) has been cancelled. Unfortunately, they lost the contract for the dead horse storage facility and the meat smoker broke.  To top it all off, somebody stole their last Louisville Slugger. The committee frantically tied to find a horse assassin to schedule around the time of the meeting, but all horse assassins were booked for BlizzCon at that time. The BDHBM committee tried to reschedule the BDHBM for a later date, but to do that they would need a fresh dead horse to beat to hash out the details. Sadly, finding a fresh dead horse to beat is impossible without beating an old decayed dead horses first. By the time you got to the fresh dead horse it would be decayed and it’s against the rules to beat a new topic with a decayed dead horse.

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Here you've earned this!

I know it is sad, sad news, but think of it on the bright side, we have another year to find old-new topic to beat up. To help all the MMO bloggers out there discover old and exciting topic to pulverize ruthlessly for a year, I’ve compiled a list of topics past BDHBMs have covered.

Here are some past Beating Meating Reading topics:

1. X game is going free to play I just know it!: Panel discussion on why the game is going free to play and what date. Hats will be handed out so speculatory dates can placed it. At the last day of the convention a date will be drawn to be submitted to the game developers. In addition, the convention will hold a daily “F2P Bingo” with a small entry fee with a possible premium subscription pass.

2. Women’s armor in MMOs: The panel will discuss how it is degrading to women while the audience tells immature breast jokes. A slide show of inappropriate Eastern MMO styles will be shown. Later, there will be demos of the MMO to get a hands-on feel for how degrading mishandled boob jiggle physics can be.  A pention for women’s armor to include a built in sports bra, will be passed around.

3. Gamers’ toxicity levels: There will be group meditation after every MOBA presentation. Then, it will be followed by warm milk and cookies for snack. All negative bloggers will be placed in timeout for 15 min max or 1 min per how old they are.

4. Feelings Workshop: Bloggers will get a chance to tell everybody at the convention how they feel.  After their speech there will be a group hug.

5. Stats and how they affect your blogging: epeen rulers and calculators will be handed out at the door. The bloggers will be broken down into groups of 5 lead by the highest viewed blogger. All other bloggers will try to mimic their style. Only the leader can give advice and suggest blog titles for better views.

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The brown log is missing! Watch your step!

6. The Hype Train: Derailing and or stopping is not allowed during BDHBM. All Hype Trains will be fueled each day by:

Day 1: Green Log
Day 2: Yellow Log
Day 3: Red Log
Flight home: Brown Log

7. Sandbox vs.Theme park: The panel will discuss ways to identify which type of MMO you are playing. They will then give you the Bartle test to take home. You MUST figure out what kind d of player you are and if your favorite MMO fits you property based on your results. There is no option and you are not allowed to play the MMO type you are not compatible with.

8. Get your PvP out of my PvE: Bloggers will either read lengthy quest text out loud or wrestle in lemon jello. The readers are not allowed to eat the jello off the bodies of the wrestlers. On the other hand, jello wrestlers can’t read.

9. Grammar: Panel cancelled out of lack of interest.

10. Blogging vs. Journalism: The panel will give pointers on how not to be a “sellout”  and be proud you’re not getting paid for your work. They’ll also discuss how to belittle journalist to make their readers think getting paid to write is evil. A list of viable excuses to tell friends and family why you don’t get paid, will be handed out at the door.

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So much blood on the floor

So, there you have some popular topics to beat like a dead horse for another year. Continuity is the key to the Dead Horse Society. Here’s to another unproductive year of beating it until we go blind…

God in Games

It’s no secret all gamers are looking for God and games are the Dead Sea Scrolls of our time. It’s obvious with game titles like: No Man’s Sky, Destiny,  God of War,  Diablo,  Halo, Elder Scrolls, Dark Souls, Mario Kart, the new Terminator movie  and many more games we’ve played throughout the years. The search for God continues even if it’s not in a church on Sunday. Nowadays, prayer is done in front of the TV or monitor with I controller used to bless our actions. Playing games is far more religious than going to Bible study or sitting around a campfire singing the praises of our Lord while a bear waits in the darkness.

This week was no exception for the race to find God in our games. Social media was filled hundreds of stories of gamers in search of God. Some stories even talked about people trying to be prophets for God. I believe one of these games will show the true meaning of God someday and help restore the faith back into humanity. Here is the week recap of stories bringing us closer to God.

Monday: No Man’s Sky

Just hearing the name, No Man’s Sky, sets off bells and whistles about a God-loving game. The whole concept behind No Man’s Sky is to find God at the center of the universe. On Monday IGN had a First Look video that was about 18 minutes long. It detailed what the main purpose behind No Man’s Sky was, to find God. Of course the developer, Hello Games, did not come out and say it, but it was clearly obvious. As the developer zoomed out further and further you could see a blinding light at the center of the universe. We all know God is at the center of the universe and Hello Games is just stating what we already know. Your goal is to get to God in No Man’s Sky.

I enjoyed watching the video and I’m super excited for this game to come out. I can finally play a game that doesn’t beat around the bush when it comes to finding God in games. I love the fact the game is based on learning about the creation of the universe and what God went through to make such a beautiful place for us. No Man’s Sky is a true biography about God. The light in the center of the universe is blinding beautiful and I will be living and breathing No Man’s Sky and God when this game releases.

Tuesday: Destiny

Tuesday was the first day of the Destiny/Red Bull campaign. God and a person’s destiny have gone hand-in-hand from the beginning of time. Bungie partnering with Red Bull is a logical step in finding God in Destiny. In the Bible there is a famous story about a man named Paul Bunyan. Paul is famous for riding a blue ox into battle for God. Because of copyrights the company Red Bull had to steer clear of their initial name of, Blue Ox. Just take a look at Red Bull cans, what color are they? That’s right blue, like a blue ox Paul Bunyan rode for God. Knowing this fact, Bungie quickly partnered with Red Bull to help the Traveler in Destiny fight the evil “Fallen”. Seriously, the FALLEN…duuh… fallen angle… Satan, man it is so obvious.

Bungie will be taking their game one step closer to the gospel with their new expansion, The Taken King. The Taken King is a direct reference to the devil and his greed. The Taken King is there to steal your destiny in finding the holy “ghost”. We will have to wait until the Taken King comes out to see how close we get to fulfilling our destiny and finding a new ghost to help us in our travels fighting against evil. In the end, Destiny will prove to be an award winner with God!

Wednesday: Lizard Squad

You might wonder how Lizard Squad is part of God in games. Back around Christmas the serpents released a denial of service attack on Xbox, Playstation and several other gaming services. They denied gamers to find God on the holiest day of the year. They did it under the famous symbol of the devil, the serpent. On Wednesday a head of the devil was acquitted of over 50,000 accounts of terrorism towards gamers and game companies. With their quick snake tongue they convinced a judge the devil was not in court and this was an act of God. It was meant to teach young people to value their loving families on a holy day. We all know Satan pulled this same trick on Adam and Eve to get them to eat the forbidden fruit from the tree of life. Disciples of Satan will always assume the form of God-loving saints to get their selfish deeds done.

No matter how you spin the story of the Lizard Squad hacking, it was done out of pure evil to deny good people their salvation through video games. We can only hope Saint Smedly can work his magic and fight against this evil for all of us. He will be known as our savior in the end. Smedly has spent his life devoted to making beautiful games to help people reach enlightenment and life fuller lives for God. I pray for Smedly and know God is on his side in this matter. Go get them John!

Thursday: Overwatch

One of the main watchers of our souls is Blizzard Entertainment. For years they have been giving us the ultimate battle between good and evil with the Diablo series. I grew up on the series and believe Blizzard has a higher purpose for us in life. They are preparing us for the war. Not just in Diablo, but in Warcraft and Starcraft they are teaching us to be battle ready when the time comes. They are guided by the angel, Michael. Blizzard hasn’t stopped changing our lives and making us warriors for God, they are bringing us their new weapon against evil called Overwatch.

They call it Overwatch, but we know they mean “Watcher”. There are hundreds of stories about the Holy Watcher guiding us in the war against evil. Overwatch is our new guide in that fight. Yesterday at San Diego Comic Con, Blizzard unveiled an 11 minute video of how we will learn to fight. I don’t know how many times I watched the video, but every time I did I discover new things. I took pages upon pages of notes detailing Blizzard’s new strategy in fighting evil. Once Overwatch comes out we can all learn to be better warriors for the coming apocalypse.

Friday: Thoughts

For years I’ve been playing video games trying to pick out the tiny morsels to help me save humanity. Every game has its unique way of teaching us something about good and evil to help prepare us when the time comes. I feel that time is coming soon. More and more games are coming out with the theme of good and evil and that can only mean our salvation is near. I know I am ready to fight and with the tools we are giving by game companies, I believe we are ready to fight. We are ready to win this war for God.

We can do this gamers, let’s fight!