SCIENTISTS WILL CURE VARIOUS DISEASES AT PAX PRIME

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First ever PAX map

PAX Prime is seen as the cesspool of humanity by normal people, but for cunning gamers it is the true salvation for the coming apocalypse.

For years the rest of the world thought gamers were wasting their life playing video games and wasting their money attending events like PAX Prime; in reality gamers have been attending these conversations to be secretly vaccinated against humanities most deadly diseases.

Recently a group of lost college students studying to be scientists, drunkardly stumbled upon this year’s PAX East. Unfortunately, they were not vaccinated against any of these horrible diseases and 3 out of the 5 students died or went insane. One of the late students even died then went insane. The remaining 2 students vowed to find a cure for these disease for the normal human beings of the world.

In their research they discovered a handful of diseases they would have to cure without the help of the secret gamers society known as PAX. Here are a few of the know diseases made public by the students:

ANOSMIA:

Anosmia is the loss of the sense of smell. This disease can be deadly if someone dealt it and you cannot smell it. Even with the lack of smell, turd partials are inhaled into the victims lungs and fills them up with deadly ass-toxicity. A normal person entering PAX without anosmia will choke you to death on the vile smells. Over the years gamers have slowly built up an immunity to ass smells and have acute anosmia. The students plan on getting revenge by making gamers smell again.

BELL’S PALSY:

Bell’s Palsy is a condition that affects the facial nerves leaving the victim sometimes expressionless or unable to blink. Even though none of the students caught Bell’s Palsy, they were fascinated by the sear amount of gamers suffering from similar symptoms while in front of a game or watching a panel. At first they thought PAX was a convention for stroke victims or victims of traumatic head injuries, but later discovered the gamers choose to put themselves in a Bell’s Palsy state for hours or days.

HALITOSIS:

Commonly know to gamers as, Dragon Ass Breath (DAB). It is not uncommon to talk to a gamer and wonder if they decided to lick the dragon’s ass instead of slay it. Before the hammered students even broke the threshold of the convention, the ticket agent killed one of them with DAB. The student proceeded to go into convulsions and drowned on his own vomit. DAB is extremely toxic and you should never approach a gamer with questions. Arm yourself with a Tic-Tac gun and wear a gas mask if you want to survive.

These are just some of the documented disease found at PAX. There are rumors of a PAX Plague and several sweat transmitted viruses that skunks die from. No matter what, if you stumble upon a gaming convention like PAX Prime and are not inoculated, seek emergency services as quickly as possible.

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