HUSBAND: I just put the controller down for 10 seconds to take a bite of my sandwich and wash it down with a beer.
The husband claimed with a sincere tone.
WIFE: He was just sitting there staring off into space and I needed help.
Hands on her hips looking over her shoulder annoyed at her husband of 14 years, she gives him The Eye.
HUSBAND: But I was still playing… I… I was just taking a 10 second break in between matches.
Petrified his wife will throw the pepper shaker again, he prematurely cowers down.
WIFE : He’s a sweet man he really is. I just think he can’t grasp time very good. Bless his heart and his video game hobby, but I kind of need a little help around the house. After all, he was just daydreaming for 5 minutes.
A couple beautiful butterflies spring out of nowhere and dance around her shoulders weaving in and out of the spontaneous rainbow a over her head.
HUSBAND: SHIT! The Guilt-Trip rainbow and the Butterflies of Doom. Ok, ok how about I do some laundry really quick for you my sweet blossom of life?
Sweat beads slowly formed on his brow ready to attack his eyes with stinging fury.
WIFE: Awe! That is so sweet of you to offer to do that. While you’re doing the laundry I’ll just:
1. Do the dishes
2. Prep dinner
3. Vacuum the whole damn house
4. Pick up YOUR kids from school and wipe their snotty little noses
5. Take the dogs out to shit
6. Mow the fucking lawn and step in the shit
7. Track dog shit on freshly vacuumed rug
8. Scrape shit off my old ass shoes because you buy video games instead of nice clothes for your once beautiful wife, now old and fat from depression because you don’t do shit around the house and you’re lousy in bed.
9. Steam clean the carpet
10. Feed your pimpley ass that festers bacteria from sitting on it all day playing vid-eeoooh gaaamez
11. Pick up the crumbs off the floor in the living room because you can’t eat at the table like a civilized human being. No! You just sit there in front of that TV staring off into space because you don’t find me attractive anymore. You want to have sex with those women you play games with, don’t you?
12. Tuck you in at night and lovingly kiss your forehead. Love you sweetie!
13. Stay up until 3am crying over a bottle of wine while I delete all your gaming progress.
14. Masturbate in triumph!
She bats her eyes and heavenly music comes from nowhere, but everywhere.
HUSBAND: 10 seconds… It was 10 seconds… I don’t know what happened… 10 seconds…