The most boring month of the year.
My mother cocked her leg and fired me out.
The time we make shit up to be less bored.
So boring gamers officially changed the name to…
Blaugust is a combination of 2 words. The first word being Blah, meaning boring. The second word of course is Ugust, meaning a strong wind that could possibly blow you over if you were outside ogling at nature. In a sentence you would say: I was outside in a tree watching the pretty lady get undressed when, ugust! I fell out of the tree from the unexpected wind.
Every year since the turn of the century bloggers have been making shit up in August to combat the shear boredom they experience during this time. It also helps them stay out of jail on Peeping Tom charges. More and more Blaugust has gained a cult following. There has been attempts to create more events like this during other, equally stupid months like March. In March one blogger tried to appreciate game developers with an event called Developer Appreciation Week. Sadly, that blogger no longer is with us. He got a life.
So, only the boring month of August remains on our calendar and my mother still shakes in fear at the thought of it. Blaugust remains in the blognation as a holiday. During this month bloggers are required to confess to their murders everyday for the entire month. In doing so their Lord and saviour will reward them with a treat. Last year I got a discounted prostate exam. The doctor said he would give me a five finger discount, but it surely felt like 7.
Blaugust has a few rules so you don’t lose 2 fingers trying to dig to China through my ass:
1. You must own an operate a lawn mower with at least 10 sentences in the user manual. No electric lawn mowers are allowed.
2. You must murder any child named Link born after 1995. You’re just being a copycat and damn lazy of you name your child that these days. There are better names like Harry Potter or Percy Jackson.
3. You must advertise yourself in the NY Times as a slut looking for multiple partners to go to the local water park with. The Slip-N-Slide is your favorite to go down head first on. I usually open my mouth wide and scream while trying to gurgle warm water that shoots in my mouth.
4. You need to sequentially number how many times you have sex in your life and post it above your bed or cut a notch in the bed post. Personally, I scream out a number when I finish.
6. You must collect at least 31 nail clippings by the end of the month. If you don’t we can’t send them to Nathan Fillion and resurrect Firefly. He likes to chew on them when he thinks.
7. Saturday is soon and that means it is my birthday all month. I want a present everyday. No joke!
There you have it. Go forth and be a Blaugustateer! You swashbuckling fuckers!