My good friend Belghast is on his way to PAX East. I’ve read a crap load of Belghast’s blog posts and I’ve spoken to him at a person level; he is an amazing guy with a heart of gold. A lot of the time bloggers get misunderstood because you don’t know them for real and don’t know the context of why they say things. Belghast wrote a post yesterday about the anxiety he has going to PAX South. When not brought out in the open like that people might think he is being harsh, emotional, rude, or whatnot through his writing. Some days I think he doesn’t like me because he doesn’t retweet my blog posts (when I do) or he ignores me when I say hi in games we play together. THAT IS NOT TRUE! He has a lot of crap on his mind and has 100’s of friends and fans he is talking to. His anxiety post explains how he feels straight from the heart, but it doesn’t explain why I’m a needy bitch.
You can say we all have issues. My first marriage was a mistake because I was lonely and she was the first woman that ever payed attention to me. Even though I am a sexy guy with a giant penis (wink), I have self-esteem issues. It is part of anxiety and feeling the urge to be wanted at all times. I love attention not because I want to be the center of it, but because I don’t know what my purpose is in this world. I constantly feel the urge to do better and be somebody, but I know one day I am going to die and be forgotten quickly. It’s selfish I know. I fear I’m never liked and I overcompensate for that. Just like Belghast, I worry if people are going to be disappointed in me. Unlike Belghast, I don’t have anxiety over it I just have issues internally that deals with my self-worth. I’m the type of guy that volunteers for everything and wants to get up in front of the world just to be recognized I breathe too. Even though I don’t have anxiety, I do have self-esteem problems that could lead to things like anxiety or depression if I didn’t recognize it and talk about it.
It’s all about recognizing who we are and talking about it to others. Over 40 million adults in the US alone suffer from anxiety disorders. A lot of anxiety disorders are more likely to affect women. So, when you feel like showing them a picture of your dick or want to degrade them in anyway, understand you are not helping in anyway. Also, making fun of people with anxiety and calling them an attention whore, baby, retarded, stupid or telling them to suck it up just proves you have an anxiety disorder you are trying to hide. Belittling people is a type of narcissistic mental disorder associated with social anxiety disorder, depression and/or bipolar disorder. Sadly you are not only making things worse for other people, you are making it worse for yourself. The worst part is, compulsive narcissism unchecked can lead to fatal addictions and suicide.
I wanted to write this to encourage Belghast on his trip to PAX East. To reassure him he is a great person and all the people he meets there will love him. He is a role model to the gaming community and an amazing person. Even though I’m not one of his good friends he games with or podcasts with, I enjoy every time I get to talk with him. Even though my selfish tendencies demand more Belghast, I understand he is a much loved man from all corners of the earth and doesn’t have enough time in the day for everyone. I’m excited to hear how his trip to PAX East goes not on a gamers level, but on a personal level.
Good Luck Belghast, I know you’ll have fun and meet some awesome people. Don’t worry, they’ll love you!