Monthly Archives: January 2016

Blade and Soul Review 

  
I’ve plugged countless hours into Blade and Soul since the launch last week. Currently, I have several max level characters and raked up a 230-10 winning record in 1v1 PvP.  Not to brag but , I know what I’m talking about when it comes to this game. I don’t believe scoring a game in a review and think the words give my readers a better understanding of how the game truly is. For over 15 years now I have been reviewing MMOs and have been spot-on with every one when it comes to the communities overall impressions of a game; Blade and Soul will be no different. Not only that, I’ve worked secretly as a journalist in the gaming community for over a decade now. This isn’t my first of second rodeo, son! I cut to the chase,  here is my comprehensive review of Blade and Soul:

USER INTERFACE:

The Good: what I love most about the new trends in MMOs is the minimalistic UIs. That days of clunky UIs like Everquest and WoW are gone. Blade and Soul does an excellent job at making the UI easy to read and out of your way. I love the crisp icons in the hotbar and the easy to read font of text. It’s not as simple as Guild Wars 2, but it does look pretty. 

The Bad: I’m not a fan of the UI customization. It is a bit frustrating to work with and doesn’t have any resizing options. I’m kind of an old guy and my eyes aren’t what they used to be and I’m an old fashioned MMO hotbar user. I would like to be able to resize some of the lower icons to see them better. It took me awhile to figure out which icon was the journal ; it was so small. 

The Ugly: I know it is an MMO, but please let me throw chat totally in the trash. Give me the option to hide it or at least let me just see tabs. I’m distracted by the unending stream of gold spammers. Right now the game chat is worthless because if you do say something it will be gobbled up by gold sellers. 

COMBAT:

The Good: Oh man, oh man! I’m running around my house doing Kung Fu moves scaring the kids, wife and pets. I’m all about KEEEYAWWW and WAAAAAAHH! I even went to my local dojo to sign up for lessons. They asked me what I know and I said, Blade Master, Force Master and level 20 Summoner. I don’t think they were impressed until I started meditating to get my Chi back. The combat is so fluid in this game all it needs to be more real is Oculus Rift support. 

The Bad: Because the game shines with combat, the game focuses on you killing and killing and killing and killing and killing… OD like to have a more robust crafting system, but I applauded Blade and Soul for focusing on their strengths. 

The Ugly: You quickly reach max level and find yourself a bit burnt out on killing a bit dumb AI. Yeah the mobs have different tricks, but it doesn’t carry greatly from level 1 to max level. The raid bosses just feel like hit point sponges. After about 10 min on a boss your hand gets tired of the constant movement and much needed combos required to survive the battle. 

CRAFTING:

The Good: I love that you can morph your gear from the beginning to the end. It is a great system a lot more games should have. Not only does your gear change in stats, it changes looks. Don’t worry if you don’t like the new looks you can always skin it to what you like. 

The Bad: What we consider crafting in other MMOs is not in this game. It really doesn’t fit as much as other games, but it would be nice to grow crops or live on a farm pimping out my giant breasted daughters. When I play MMOs I always like to have a place I can call home to craft. 

The Ugly: The whole crafting system is confusing and boring. It could use some work. Not that it takes away from the game as a total, but it is apparent it is not a priority. 

CHARACTER CUSTOMIZATION:

The Good: The are massive amounts of options in the character customization. I’m pretty sure this is the first time I was able to put baby oil all over my character in a game. Sure I lather myself up before I play MMOs, but virtually I’ve never been able to do it. That is just the tip of options; there are thousands more to make your character become unique. 

The Bad: Eastern MMO breast customization. Is Westerners are not ready for breast sliders that can make boobs dance and wave. Don’t get me wrong I love breasts like the air I breathe and wouldn’t mind dying from breast suffocation, but as a society we can’t control ourselves enough not to call the game Breasts and Soul. This is bad on our part not the game design. 

The Ugly: I’d love to see and equal opportunity MMO when it comes to character customization. I’ve yet to see bulge sliders or banana hammock outfits. When I make a male character in an MMO that has extensive breast customization, I expect my character to have an anaconda running down his leg. Not only that, I want it to thrash around when I’m running. When I get in a grappling maneuver on my Kung Fu Master, I want my junk to start a choke hold. My flying should start with my pogo stick launching me into orbit. 

RECOMMENDATION:

I could keep talking about different aspects of this game you should see, but that is just wasting your time you should be playing it. I fully recommend this game. You have nothing to lose it is free to play, beautiful graphics, dynamic combat, strategic PvP, raids, top-notch cash shop and easy ways to get gold from thousands of illegal sellers. What more could you want in a F2P MMO? Did I mention it has controller support for faster controls? Don’t take my word for it, GO PLAY IT NOW! 

Belghast Goes to PAX South

  
My good friend Belghast is on his way to PAX East. I’ve read a crap load of Belghast’s blog posts and I’ve spoken to him at a person level; he is an amazing guy with a heart of gold. A lot of the time bloggers get misunderstood because you don’t know them for real and don’t know the context of why they say things. Belghast wrote a post yesterday about the  anxiety he has going to PAX South. When not brought out in the open like that people might think he is being harsh, emotional, rude, or whatnot through his writing.  Some days I think he doesn’t like me because he doesn’t retweet my blog posts (when I do) or he ignores me when I say hi in games we play together. THAT IS NOT TRUE! He has a lot of crap on his mind and has 100’s of friends and fans he is talking to.  His anxiety post explains how he feels straight from the heart, but it doesn’t explain why I’m a needy bitch. 
You can say we all have issues. My first marriage was a mistake because I was lonely and she was the first woman that ever payed attention to me. Even though I am a sexy guy with a giant penis (wink), I have self-esteem issues. It is part of anxiety and feeling the urge to be wanted at all times. I love attention not because I want to be the center of it, but because I don’t know what my purpose is in this world. I constantly feel the urge to do better and be somebody, but I know one day I am going to die and be forgotten quickly. It’s selfish I know. I fear I’m never liked and I overcompensate for that. Just like Belghast, I worry if people are going to be disappointed in me. Unlike Belghast, I don’t have anxiety over it I just have issues internally that deals with my self-worth. I’m the type of guy that volunteers for everything and wants to get up in front of the world just to be recognized I breathe too. Even though I don’t have anxiety, I do have self-esteem problems that could lead to things like anxiety or depression if I didn’t recognize it and talk about it. 

It’s all about recognizing who we are and talking about it to others. Over 40 million adults in the US alone suffer from anxiety disorders. A lot of anxiety disorders are more likely to affect women. So, when you feel like showing them a picture of your dick or want to degrade them in anyway, understand you are not helping in anyway. Also, making fun of people with anxiety and calling them an attention whore, baby, retarded, stupid or telling them to suck it up just proves you have an anxiety disorder you are trying to hide. Belittling people is a type of narcissistic mental disorder associated with social anxiety disorder, depression and/or bipolar disorder. Sadly you are not only making things worse for other people, you are making it worse for yourself. The worst part is, compulsive narcissism unchecked can lead to fatal addictions and suicide.   

I wanted to write this to encourage Belghast on his trip to PAX East. To reassure him he is a great person and all the people he meets there will love him. He is a role model to the gaming community and an amazing person. Even though I’m not one of his good friends he games with or podcasts with, I enjoy every time I get to talk with him. Even though my selfish tendencies demand more Belghast, I understand he is a much loved man from all corners of the earth  and doesn’t have enough time in the day for everyone. I’m excited to hear how his trip to PAX East goes not on a gamers level, but on a personal level. 

Good Luck Belghast, I know you’ll have fun and meet some awesome people. Don’t worry, they’ll love you! 

Star Wars Aftermath: Book Review 

I normally don’t do this, but I’m going to. 

Yesterday, I went to the bookstore and picked up a copy of Chuck Wendig’s new novel set in the Star War universe. After months and months of hearing how gay this book was, I wanted to look at it for myself. I’m kind of a liberal and enjoy the company of all the gays. I’ve been to dinner with gay people and I’ve even talked to them with joy. You could say we had a gay conversation. Oddly enough none of the gay men I hung out with tried to surprise butt sex me. From all the conservative people I know, they warned me of surprise butt sex from the gays. I even threw a couple Mentos up my ass to freshen it up just in case. Also, unfortunately, lesbians are not all maids and they will not clean carpet while you watch. I’m pretty much disappointed with the gay community for getting my hopes up. 

Anyways, Chuck’s book, Star Wars Aftermath is a great book. I spent a few hours in the bookstore turning  pages and guessing the weight of the book. I even took out a food scale and weighed it. Just to get a good visual as to what 2.3lbs really was, I weighed some chicken breasts too. The lesbians still, were not impressed. I even threw coffee on the carpet to excite them and their compulsive cleaning habits… nothing. The world is a cruel place!

After cooking up the lightly seasoned 2.3lbs of chicken BREASTS (come on lesbians you know you want my chicken!), I decided to roast a pork butt and smoke a fag while I entertained the gay men with my Mentos trick. I spent a couple hours roasting the butt and farting the freshest smelling rendition of the Glee theme song for my gay companions. They were not impressed and either the roast was burnt or I shit my pants. 

This book review isn’t going as well as I planned. 

THE BOOK:

  
I’m going to be honest with you, I didn’t read it. I was too busy trying to entertain my friends and frankly, the book is over a hundred pages and has no pictures. I did spend several hours rubbing the book and looking at the picture on the front cover. I even looked for Chuck’s autograph, but he must not have gotten the memo I was going to touch his book. I didn’t need to read it anyways. My gay mother used to tell me when I was a kid, “ALWAYS, judge a book by its cover. ”

Just like the gays should be judged solely by being gay and not who they are as a person, I judged Star Wars Aftermath by its cover. I looked at that Deathstar art work. I looked at the synopsis on the flaps. I read the critics reviews on the back. I felt the texture of the materials the book was made of. I built this city on rock and roll. I didn’t have to read the book to know it was a great book. In my eyes the book is worth reading. It is worth touching over and over again and it’s worth hanging out with my gay friends. We had a great meal and I decided to help my friends out by cleaning up afterwards. I put on my banana hammock and scrubbed the shit out of that coffee stained carpet. Still, no spontaneous orgy. Fuckers!

I wholeheartedly recommend Chuck Wendig’s, Star Wars Aftermath. I own several of his books and follow him on Twitter. He is a very dynamic writer that doesn’t play it safe with his writing. I’ve enjoyed all of his books I’ve touched and would buy this one too.  Just don’t invite gay friends over, they will only shatter your expectations. 

6 out of 5 stars

Forums 

I’ve been hanging out on the Warframe forums lately and I discovered why they annoy me so much. Here’s the scenario: 

This guy I’ll call Pissant2001 (because there are 2000 more Pissants playing Warframe), wanted to know what is the best weapons to use to kill level 100 mobs in 1-2 shots. Pissant2001 listed his weapons:

A. Meh bow 

B. Meh Meh rifle

C. Holy Crap You Use That

D. Really Good Crowd Control Gun (RGCCG)

E. Maybe Meh

F. Sure 

And so on… 

Several commenters talked about using totally different guns if he wanted to 1-2 shot mobs at level 100. Pissant2001 came back explaining he doesn’t have those guns, but can make them if he wasn’t a lazy , close-minded pissant. Another guy (me), picked a couple guns from his list and explained how he would use those guns, even if they might not 1-2 shot everything. Mainly, that guy pointed out RGCCG was great to crowd control to give him a bit of time to 3-5 shot things with Sure gun. Pissant2001 made a list of BUT BUT BUT I want 1-2 shots not strategy CC. Ok, so he lists mediocre weapons and expects to blast them with his good looks? I’m sure he is no Al Paccino. He wanted Easy Mode from what he had and refused to budge. So why ask for peoples’ opinions when you don’t really want it?

Here are several problems with his post and forums in general:

1. He wanted to be God without the effort   

2. Commenters were suggesting their favorite guns, but didn’t stay within the restrictions Pissant2001 laid out. 

3. A viable suggestion by an anonymous commenter (me), was discarded because that was not Pissant2001’s play style, which is just a sexy stare with or without dick out. 

4. Everyone (except me) was close-minded to suggestions   

5. Meatloaf is on the radio so hold on a second

Post after post on the forums people refuse to be open-minded to anything and it gets worse when people believe the game balance is broken. People forget to take into consideration the logistics of what it takes to make a game and NO game is perfectly balanced. Even Tetris is an unbalanced shitstorm. From level 22 to 23 it is like Satan  slapped his junk filled with Tetris pieces on your screen in the blink of an eye. 

Level 22: “Man, this game is easy my stack is clear!”

Level 23: “BALLS BALLS BALLS…SATAN SACK!”

I’m sorry, humanity is flawed and everything they do reflects that. I’m guessing God is flawed too because he made Donald Trump and let the Broncos win. So if we are all flawed, what can we do to make it better? Try to understand the bigger picture and be open to feedback. Also, accept you are stupid because you are reading this. No smart person would do that. 

In closing I want to half-heartedly apologize for my last post. It was very closed-minded. I could’ve made it better if I gave a fuck enough to. Shit I didn’t even edit it. I’m flawed and appreciate your feedback. 

MMO’s are Stupid

So, I loaded up Breasts and Soul on my computer.  After that, I took the dogs outside to drop a steamer on the lawn. 6 hours later I realized I didn’t take a shower yet. Bed time rolls around  and I’m pissed I didn’t log into Warframe for the day. 2 days later I’m writing this post wondering why I even bothered wasting space on my computer for another shitty MMO I’m not going to play. 

I’ve totally lost interest in MMOs because they are no longer difficult to me and there is no mystery. All MMOs these days hold your hand too much. I miss the days when I got lost in the woods and feared the night cycle. I just want a shitty compass that points north, south, east and west. Not a map or flashing pointer on the ground screaming, “Yo stupid, this way!” I want to be so damn lost I need to contemplate chewing off my own arm. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy doing quests, but I want to stubble around like an idiot trying to find where I need to go to complete it. MMOs are just stupid these days. 

I read today Wildstar is quickly failing. A game that wanted to be hardcore, but held your hand the whole time and looked like a baby threw up a box of crayons. These games are dumbing it down so much people lack the motivation to do the hardcore stuff because getting to it is so mind-numbing. That’s what the player want right? They just want the loot treadmill and not want to think. You know WoW!

Unfortunately, WoW was built on that old philosophy of being lost and crying for hours trying to figure out a quest, but it slowly babied its players. That made the industry think it wasn’t the content that mattered only what a rat was storing in its ass. I don’t want to constantly be fisting a rat to get a new set of armor! I want the fear the rat is going to fist me and he won’t stop chasing me until he does. Only stumbling upon a patrol of guards in the middle of Whothehellknows, will save me from a grossly enormous set of shoulder pads from birthing out of my dead body.  And that is how rats get loot for the next guy. 

I say fuck the UI map and fuck the flashing quest trackers. I want to feel like I’m in the real world before Google and GPS. These games are supposed to make you feel like the world you’re in is fucked up. If it is a modern day MMO with GPS and Google, fine hold my hand but make sure it is hard enough where o don’t want to leave my house. Make my choice of saving Jonny from irradiated level 1 squirrel harder than mirdering Jonny and feeding his nits to the squirrel. 

I understand people want ACTION and LOOTZ now, but those people are not getting invested in the game long enough to keep it afloat. The path of least resistance is an easy path to walk away from. When people don’t feel engaged enough from being challenged it becomes easy to leave for something else. We game hop because we are looking for mental stimulation not new loot or super actiony combat that relies heavily on how fast you can click hotkeys or make macros that your sick can use to heal a whole raid. 

It’s a hard balance between mental stimulation and instant gratification. It’s what all developers of MMOs should be looking to figure out, not what payment plan they should go with. Understand MMOs are niche and only become popular from hard work. All the new MMOs are just looking for a quick cash-in and hope to be the next big thing. Even the Kickstarter MMOs look stupid because they are trying to please everyone with PvP and PvE balance. Alongside that, they are trying to be “hardcore”, but still hold your hand. 

I have no interest in the next generation of MMOs. They are either made by quick-fix developers or old-school MMO pioneers that are out of touch with what is fun anymore. The whole genre has gotten fucked up from one game winking the lottery. Stop and think what these games are really about. That means something different for everybody, but that is why we make specific games not jack-of-all trades games. Look at the most popular games : Mincraft, Vanilla WoW, Call of Duty, Mario, Mortal Kombat ect… They all initially had a focus, even WoW. WoW used to be a PvE centric game like Everquest and it slowly morphed. 

Someday I hope to get back into MMOs, but right now they are not mentally stimulating me enough. I watched a Blade and Soul stream the other day and no matter how much the Streamer sugar coated the AMAZING combat, I had no interest in actually fighting anything because it was so mind-numbing. If I want to play Street Fighter I’ll do that not play an MMO wasting my time running around looking for a boring rat to kill. Only the PvP in Blade and Soul looked fun, but that was because it was Street Fighter. No thank you!

So I play Warframe because it knows it is a fast paced space ninja game. It started out PvE only like WoW did. It lacked the money to make it feel super ninja like in the beginning, but slowly they are really focusing on what it means to be a ninja in space. It’s not trying to be an esport or a Diablo loot piñata, it’s focusing on being a space ninja and how that would feel. As simple and grindy the game might seem at times, I always feel like a space ninja. MMOs need to start focusing on what they really are and not try to be everything. You’re a medieval RPG? Stop having a mini map and a dumbass with a ! or ? above his head. Make night time night and if you want to see use a shitty lantern. It is a medieval game start acting like medieval times. Plain and simple: focus on the true feeling of what it would be like to live in that world because that is why people play those games, not to pull +10 daggers out a rats ass.