100% of WoW Players are Totally Happy with the Direction the Game is Going

Today Blizzard published last quarter’s customer satisfaction survey and the results were as expected.  Players of their worldwide successful MMO,  World of Warcraft (WoW), agree they are 100% satisfied with the game and the direction the game is going. This morning the forums are buzzing with radiant positivity. Here are some of the forum threads popping up:

Title: PvP FINALLY Balanced!!!

Today I love PvP!  I queued for battleground after battleground and was so happy! I don’t remember how many times we lost or how many times that Rogue one-shotted me, but I do belive this is the most balance the game has ever been. Shoot, I never got a spell off because I was dying so fast or I was CC’d for an ungodly about of time, but I could feel everybody was on equal ground. Just truly amazing day!

Title: LFR has to be the best way to play!

I just can’t believe how awesome people are in LFR since the last patch. Blizzard I salute you and your awesome game. You’ve finally made everybody happy.  Even after we wiped 6 times on trash because all of our healers went AFK at the same time without saying anything, we had a joyous time talking while we waited. We even had wonderful conversations about homosexual people and African-Americans. People were complementing each other on their skill and enjoying the time we all had together.  I chalk this up to WoW having the best community in the world. Thanks Blizzard!

Title: I just need to get this off my chest…

I love you all! You’ve made me a better person. Even my wife enjoys me playing WoW with you instead of taking care of our kids or cleaning the house. I could just live in WoW and hug you all! Thank you!

Unfortunately,  in the light of all this positively Blizzard fired all their forums moderators. Since there is no need to censor what people post, there is no need for moderators.

Tomorrow, Blizzard plans on rolling a new patch out without testing it.  Here are some patch notes:

1. Removed class spec requirements for LFR queueing.

2. Added a new 5 min stun-lock ability to Rogues with a 100% chance to critical strike everything within the zone or PvP map.

3. Made all servers PvP

4. Deleted all characters that haven’t logged in… Now

5. Made all zones underwater

6. Removed everything from game enabling characters to breath underwater

7. $20 a month

8. Removed cancellation button from everywhere

9. Gave Tauren giant penises as requested

10. Fired Quality Assurance department

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