Charity Idea

Personally I give money to charity every year, but I wish I could give more. I’m always trying to think of ideas to give to charity. I struggle with this ideas because I’m not technically inclined to get these ideas off the ground. 

I thought it would be a good idea to start a Patreon account, but instead of having funding goals for me, have them for charity. Because I have no need for an extra income to buy whatever I need for videos or content, all money would be given to charity. Almost like Extra-Life, but my own thing to help. 

I just want to make a difference and help others and feel what I do now just isn’t enough. I’d like to do more and use my creative skills to not only entertain people’s le, but to help others in the process. My main obstacles are:

1. I’m a nobody in the gaming/ streaming/ social media world. I probably have 30 real people followers on Twitter and most of them are more talented streamers/podcasters/tech badasses. I’m skills are very craptastic

2. Finding dedicated time to do this. I think I can overcome this as long as I set a time once a week to do it. That way my real life can be set  aside to help people. 

3. Artistically and technically I need serious help getting this started. All I would need is somebody that could make good graphics on the Patreon website, Twitch and YouTube channels, and a sweet 10 second intro to all my videos to give me a good start. I have the ideas just not the skills to make them look professional. 

Those are really my only roadblocks. I want to make a difference and I want to entertain people, I just don’t know how to start and make it look professional. I’ve asked for help and offered money for the help, but nobody seems to like money. I would go to a local place to get this started, but I live in such a backwoods area there isn’t any web/Twitch/YouTube/blog/ anything besides full-blown business web design help. People in my parts don’t do this stuff for the little guys and their ideas of web design are cookie cutters from Walmart or Amazon. 

It is very frustrating to me because I want to help other people and not do Patreon to fund me. I seriously don’t need any money whatsoever, I just want to do more than I can for people that do need money to live. Maybe someday I can do this and help people in need. 

Operator Error 

To me Warframe is the best game in the world. I’ve been playing it for 2 years off and on, but this past year I’ve played it almost every day. I thought it was cute The Hive Leader and Totalbiscuit revisited the game recently. Their videos are cute. I hope Biscotti plays more because he has a huge audience that could draw more players to the game. The Hive Leader… Meh. 

I want to tell you about the game I love and play every day. Not from a cutesy level like those other 2 guys, but on a serious level. I want you to know the game like I know it. I want you to understand why it is so addicting to me. The only way to get inside my head and understand is to give you a quick background about myself. 

When I was 13 I was sent to Juvenal Lock-up for illegal gambling. It didn’t matter what it was I bet on it to get money, I just bet. I wasn’t addicted to gambling, I was addicted to money. I loved the smell of money and how much power came with cold-hard-cash. After I got out of juvie, I learned to snort drugs up my nose. By the way, snorting pot seeds hurts. Some things aren’t meant to be thrustered up your nasal cavity; mushroom juice is another painful snorting habit. 

Needless to say, I moved from snorting to enemas, things are a lot smoother that way. From pot plants to Mentoes and hand sanitizer, I had one hell of a time as a young teenager. There were times I thought I was going to die or crap my pants, but the day I decided to come clean was the best day of my life. Well, not really that day or even that week. At first it really sucked because I had with withdrawals, but I started drinking alcohol and taking LSD to lessen the blow… Get it… BLOW. 

Several months of rehab and intervention later, I kicked the butt and nose probing habit. Unfortunately, the love of money still lingered like a silent fart in an elevator. Ever time I touched money I had the itch to gamble. The only way to stop my serious compulsion was to find something to take my mind off it. That is when I started playing World of Warcraft. The gear grind made me feel like I was back on the farm betting on the biggest cock to win. I can still smell the blood to this day; it gives me goosebumps all over. 

I played WoW for a good 10 years before I started getting bored with it. About 2 years ago  I found Warframe. I heard RNGESUS call for me. From that day on I started playing Warframe religiously. I don’t know what it is about the game, but I love the feel of it. I love the different Warframes and how they feel in my sweaty palms. Every day I log in, I can’t wait to get more Prime parts to sell on the market. I’m not sure the last time I left the Void or Trade Chat. I feel like the Donald Trump of Warframe. Warframe saved my life and rid me of all my addictions. To this day I only drink a 12 pack of beer a night and Vape until I puke. Life is good and I owe it all to Warframe. 

If I could give some profound advice to new Warframe players it would be:

 My PS4 user name is Scarybooster and I accept all donations. I’m not ashamed of my love for Warframe and you shouldn’t be either.  As a token to your gratitude you should buy me all the stuff. Unlike people that beg for stuff in game items ,I’m not going to beg; I’m going to just suggest it. The game is amazing when you start feeling the flow of the parkour and freely give away stuff to strangers. RNGESUS will set you free! 

Just know, if you decide not to like Warframe you need to accept the fact that you are stupid. It’s ok to be stupid, you just need to realize you are stupid to be enlightened. Only then can you move forward and still be stupid for not playing Warframe. Good luck young Tenno and stay away from coffee enemas. 

Blade and Soul Review 

  
I’ve plugged countless hours into Blade and Soul since the launch last week. Currently, I have several max level characters and raked up a 230-10 winning record in 1v1 PvP.  Not to brag but , I know what I’m talking about when it comes to this game. I don’t believe scoring a game in a review and think the words give my readers a better understanding of how the game truly is. For over 15 years now I have been reviewing MMOs and have been spot-on with every one when it comes to the communities overall impressions of a game; Blade and Soul will be no different. Not only that, I’ve worked secretly as a journalist in the gaming community for over a decade now. This isn’t my first of second rodeo, son! I cut to the chase,  here is my comprehensive review of Blade and Soul:

USER INTERFACE:

The Good: what I love most about the new trends in MMOs is the minimalistic UIs. That days of clunky UIs like Everquest and WoW are gone. Blade and Soul does an excellent job at making the UI easy to read and out of your way. I love the crisp icons in the hotbar and the easy to read font of text. It’s not as simple as Guild Wars 2, but it does look pretty. 

The Bad: I’m not a fan of the UI customization. It is a bit frustrating to work with and doesn’t have any resizing options. I’m kind of an old guy and my eyes aren’t what they used to be and I’m an old fashioned MMO hotbar user. I would like to be able to resize some of the lower icons to see them better. It took me awhile to figure out which icon was the journal ; it was so small. 

The Ugly: I know it is an MMO, but please let me throw chat totally in the trash. Give me the option to hide it or at least let me just see tabs. I’m distracted by the unending stream of gold spammers. Right now the game chat is worthless because if you do say something it will be gobbled up by gold sellers. 

COMBAT:

The Good: Oh man, oh man! I’m running around my house doing Kung Fu moves scaring the kids, wife and pets. I’m all about KEEEYAWWW and WAAAAAAHH! I even went to my local dojo to sign up for lessons. They asked me what I know and I said, Blade Master, Force Master and level 20 Summoner. I don’t think they were impressed until I started meditating to get my Chi back. The combat is so fluid in this game all it needs to be more real is Oculus Rift support. 

The Bad: Because the game shines with combat, the game focuses on you killing and killing and killing and killing and killing… OD like to have a more robust crafting system, but I applauded Blade and Soul for focusing on their strengths. 

The Ugly: You quickly reach max level and find yourself a bit burnt out on killing a bit dumb AI. Yeah the mobs have different tricks, but it doesn’t carry greatly from level 1 to max level. The raid bosses just feel like hit point sponges. After about 10 min on a boss your hand gets tired of the constant movement and much needed combos required to survive the battle. 

CRAFTING:

The Good: I love that you can morph your gear from the beginning to the end. It is a great system a lot more games should have. Not only does your gear change in stats, it changes looks. Don’t worry if you don’t like the new looks you can always skin it to what you like. 

The Bad: What we consider crafting in other MMOs is not in this game. It really doesn’t fit as much as other games, but it would be nice to grow crops or live on a farm pimping out my giant breasted daughters. When I play MMOs I always like to have a place I can call home to craft. 

The Ugly: The whole crafting system is confusing and boring. It could use some work. Not that it takes away from the game as a total, but it is apparent it is not a priority. 

CHARACTER CUSTOMIZATION:

The Good: The are massive amounts of options in the character customization. I’m pretty sure this is the first time I was able to put baby oil all over my character in a game. Sure I lather myself up before I play MMOs, but virtually I’ve never been able to do it. That is just the tip of options; there are thousands more to make your character become unique. 

The Bad: Eastern MMO breast customization. Is Westerners are not ready for breast sliders that can make boobs dance and wave. Don’t get me wrong I love breasts like the air I breathe and wouldn’t mind dying from breast suffocation, but as a society we can’t control ourselves enough not to call the game Breasts and Soul. This is bad on our part not the game design. 

The Ugly: I’d love to see and equal opportunity MMO when it comes to character customization. I’ve yet to see bulge sliders or banana hammock outfits. When I make a male character in an MMO that has extensive breast customization, I expect my character to have an anaconda running down his leg. Not only that, I want it to thrash around when I’m running. When I get in a grappling maneuver on my Kung Fu Master, I want my junk to start a choke hold. My flying should start with my pogo stick launching me into orbit. 

RECOMMENDATION:

I could keep talking about different aspects of this game you should see, but that is just wasting your time you should be playing it. I fully recommend this game. You have nothing to lose it is free to play, beautiful graphics, dynamic combat, strategic PvP, raids, top-notch cash shop and easy ways to get gold from thousands of illegal sellers. What more could you want in a F2P MMO? Did I mention it has controller support for faster controls? Don’t take my word for it, GO PLAY IT NOW! 

Belghast Goes to PAX South

  
My good friend Belghast is on his way to PAX East. I’ve read a crap load of Belghast’s blog posts and I’ve spoken to him at a person level; he is an amazing guy with a heart of gold. A lot of the time bloggers get misunderstood because you don’t know them for real and don’t know the context of why they say things. Belghast wrote a post yesterday about the  anxiety he has going to PAX South. When not brought out in the open like that people might think he is being harsh, emotional, rude, or whatnot through his writing.  Some days I think he doesn’t like me because he doesn’t retweet my blog posts (when I do) or he ignores me when I say hi in games we play together. THAT IS NOT TRUE! He has a lot of crap on his mind and has 100’s of friends and fans he is talking to.  His anxiety post explains how he feels straight from the heart, but it doesn’t explain why I’m a needy bitch. 
You can say we all have issues. My first marriage was a mistake because I was lonely and she was the first woman that ever payed attention to me. Even though I am a sexy guy with a giant penis (wink), I have self-esteem issues. It is part of anxiety and feeling the urge to be wanted at all times. I love attention not because I want to be the center of it, but because I don’t know what my purpose is in this world. I constantly feel the urge to do better and be somebody, but I know one day I am going to die and be forgotten quickly. It’s selfish I know. I fear I’m never liked and I overcompensate for that. Just like Belghast, I worry if people are going to be disappointed in me. Unlike Belghast, I don’t have anxiety over it I just have issues internally that deals with my self-worth. I’m the type of guy that volunteers for everything and wants to get up in front of the world just to be recognized I breathe too. Even though I don’t have anxiety, I do have self-esteem problems that could lead to things like anxiety or depression if I didn’t recognize it and talk about it. 

It’s all about recognizing who we are and talking about it to others. Over 40 million adults in the US alone suffer from anxiety disorders. A lot of anxiety disorders are more likely to affect women. So, when you feel like showing them a picture of your dick or want to degrade them in anyway, understand you are not helping in anyway. Also, making fun of people with anxiety and calling them an attention whore, baby, retarded, stupid or telling them to suck it up just proves you have an anxiety disorder you are trying to hide. Belittling people is a type of narcissistic mental disorder associated with social anxiety disorder, depression and/or bipolar disorder. Sadly you are not only making things worse for other people, you are making it worse for yourself. The worst part is, compulsive narcissism unchecked can lead to fatal addictions and suicide.   

I wanted to write this to encourage Belghast on his trip to PAX East. To reassure him he is a great person and all the people he meets there will love him. He is a role model to the gaming community and an amazing person. Even though I’m not one of his good friends he games with or podcasts with, I enjoy every time I get to talk with him. Even though my selfish tendencies demand more Belghast, I understand he is a much loved man from all corners of the earth  and doesn’t have enough time in the day for everyone. I’m excited to hear how his trip to PAX East goes not on a gamers level, but on a personal level. 

Good Luck Belghast, I know you’ll have fun and meet some awesome people. Don’t worry, they’ll love you! 

Star Wars Aftermath: Book Review 

I normally don’t do this, but I’m going to. 

Yesterday, I went to the bookstore and picked up a copy of Chuck Wendig’s new novel set in the Star War universe. After months and months of hearing how gay this book was, I wanted to look at it for myself. I’m kind of a liberal and enjoy the company of all the gays. I’ve been to dinner with gay people and I’ve even talked to them with joy. You could say we had a gay conversation. Oddly enough none of the gay men I hung out with tried to surprise butt sex me. From all the conservative people I know, they warned me of surprise butt sex from the gays. I even threw a couple Mentos up my ass to freshen it up just in case. Also, unfortunately, lesbians are not all maids and they will not clean carpet while you watch. I’m pretty much disappointed with the gay community for getting my hopes up. 

Anyways, Chuck’s book, Star Wars Aftermath is a great book. I spent a few hours in the bookstore turning  pages and guessing the weight of the book. I even took out a food scale and weighed it. Just to get a good visual as to what 2.3lbs really was, I weighed some chicken breasts too. The lesbians still, were not impressed. I even threw coffee on the carpet to excite them and their compulsive cleaning habits… nothing. The world is a cruel place!

After cooking up the lightly seasoned 2.3lbs of chicken BREASTS (come on lesbians you know you want my chicken!), I decided to roast a pork butt and smoke a fag while I entertained the gay men with my Mentos trick. I spent a couple hours roasting the butt and farting the freshest smelling rendition of the Glee theme song for my gay companions. They were not impressed and either the roast was burnt or I shit my pants. 

This book review isn’t going as well as I planned. 

THE BOOK:

  
I’m going to be honest with you, I didn’t read it. I was too busy trying to entertain my friends and frankly, the book is over a hundred pages and has no pictures. I did spend several hours rubbing the book and looking at the picture on the front cover. I even looked for Chuck’s autograph, but he must not have gotten the memo I was going to touch his book. I didn’t need to read it anyways. My gay mother used to tell me when I was a kid, “ALWAYS, judge a book by its cover. ”

Just like the gays should be judged solely by being gay and not who they are as a person, I judged Star Wars Aftermath by its cover. I looked at that Deathstar art work. I looked at the synopsis on the flaps. I read the critics reviews on the back. I felt the texture of the materials the book was made of. I built this city on rock and roll. I didn’t have to read the book to know it was a great book. In my eyes the book is worth reading. It is worth touching over and over again and it’s worth hanging out with my gay friends. We had a great meal and I decided to help my friends out by cleaning up afterwards. I put on my banana hammock and scrubbed the shit out of that coffee stained carpet. Still, no spontaneous orgy. Fuckers!

I wholeheartedly recommend Chuck Wendig’s, Star Wars Aftermath. I own several of his books and follow him on Twitter. He is a very dynamic writer that doesn’t play it safe with his writing. I’ve enjoyed all of his books I’ve touched and would buy this one too.  Just don’t invite gay friends over, they will only shatter your expectations. 

6 out of 5 stars

Forums 

I’ve been hanging out on the Warframe forums lately and I discovered why they annoy me so much. Here’s the scenario: 

This guy I’ll call Pissant2001 (because there are 2000 more Pissants playing Warframe), wanted to know what is the best weapons to use to kill level 100 mobs in 1-2 shots. Pissant2001 listed his weapons:

A. Meh bow 

B. Meh Meh rifle

C. Holy Crap You Use That

D. Really Good Crowd Control Gun (RGCCG)

E. Maybe Meh

F. Sure 

And so on… 

Several commenters talked about using totally different guns if he wanted to 1-2 shot mobs at level 100. Pissant2001 came back explaining he doesn’t have those guns, but can make them if he wasn’t a lazy , close-minded pissant. Another guy (me), picked a couple guns from his list and explained how he would use those guns, even if they might not 1-2 shot everything. Mainly, that guy pointed out RGCCG was great to crowd control to give him a bit of time to 3-5 shot things with Sure gun. Pissant2001 made a list of BUT BUT BUT I want 1-2 shots not strategy CC. Ok, so he lists mediocre weapons and expects to blast them with his good looks? I’m sure he is no Al Paccino. He wanted Easy Mode from what he had and refused to budge. So why ask for peoples’ opinions when you don’t really want it?

Here are several problems with his post and forums in general:

1. He wanted to be God without the effort   

2. Commenters were suggesting their favorite guns, but didn’t stay within the restrictions Pissant2001 laid out. 

3. A viable suggestion by an anonymous commenter (me), was discarded because that was not Pissant2001’s play style, which is just a sexy stare with or without dick out. 

4. Everyone (except me) was close-minded to suggestions   

5. Meatloaf is on the radio so hold on a second

Post after post on the forums people refuse to be open-minded to anything and it gets worse when people believe the game balance is broken. People forget to take into consideration the logistics of what it takes to make a game and NO game is perfectly balanced. Even Tetris is an unbalanced shitstorm. From level 22 to 23 it is like Satan  slapped his junk filled with Tetris pieces on your screen in the blink of an eye. 

Level 22: “Man, this game is easy my stack is clear!”

Level 23: “BALLS BALLS BALLS…SATAN SACK!”

I’m sorry, humanity is flawed and everything they do reflects that. I’m guessing God is flawed too because he made Donald Trump and let the Broncos win. So if we are all flawed, what can we do to make it better? Try to understand the bigger picture and be open to feedback. Also, accept you are stupid because you are reading this. No smart person would do that. 

In closing I want to half-heartedly apologize for my last post. It was very closed-minded. I could’ve made it better if I gave a fuck enough to. Shit I didn’t even edit it. I’m flawed and appreciate your feedback. 

MMO’s are Stupid

So, I loaded up Breasts and Soul on my computer.  After that, I took the dogs outside to drop a steamer on the lawn. 6 hours later I realized I didn’t take a shower yet. Bed time rolls around  and I’m pissed I didn’t log into Warframe for the day. 2 days later I’m writing this post wondering why I even bothered wasting space on my computer for another shitty MMO I’m not going to play. 

I’ve totally lost interest in MMOs because they are no longer difficult to me and there is no mystery. All MMOs these days hold your hand too much. I miss the days when I got lost in the woods and feared the night cycle. I just want a shitty compass that points north, south, east and west. Not a map or flashing pointer on the ground screaming, “Yo stupid, this way!” I want to be so damn lost I need to contemplate chewing off my own arm. Don’t get me wrong, I enjoy doing quests, but I want to stubble around like an idiot trying to find where I need to go to complete it. MMOs are just stupid these days. 

I read today Wildstar is quickly failing. A game that wanted to be hardcore, but held your hand the whole time and looked like a baby threw up a box of crayons. These games are dumbing it down so much people lack the motivation to do the hardcore stuff because getting to it is so mind-numbing. That’s what the player want right? They just want the loot treadmill and not want to think. You know WoW!

Unfortunately, WoW was built on that old philosophy of being lost and crying for hours trying to figure out a quest, but it slowly babied its players. That made the industry think it wasn’t the content that mattered only what a rat was storing in its ass. I don’t want to constantly be fisting a rat to get a new set of armor! I want the fear the rat is going to fist me and he won’t stop chasing me until he does. Only stumbling upon a patrol of guards in the middle of Whothehellknows, will save me from a grossly enormous set of shoulder pads from birthing out of my dead body.  And that is how rats get loot for the next guy. 

I say fuck the UI map and fuck the flashing quest trackers. I want to feel like I’m in the real world before Google and GPS. These games are supposed to make you feel like the world you’re in is fucked up. If it is a modern day MMO with GPS and Google, fine hold my hand but make sure it is hard enough where o don’t want to leave my house. Make my choice of saving Jonny from irradiated level 1 squirrel harder than mirdering Jonny and feeding his nits to the squirrel. 

I understand people want ACTION and LOOTZ now, but those people are not getting invested in the game long enough to keep it afloat. The path of least resistance is an easy path to walk away from. When people don’t feel engaged enough from being challenged it becomes easy to leave for something else. We game hop because we are looking for mental stimulation not new loot or super actiony combat that relies heavily on how fast you can click hotkeys or make macros that your sick can use to heal a whole raid. 

It’s a hard balance between mental stimulation and instant gratification. It’s what all developers of MMOs should be looking to figure out, not what payment plan they should go with. Understand MMOs are niche and only become popular from hard work. All the new MMOs are just looking for a quick cash-in and hope to be the next big thing. Even the Kickstarter MMOs look stupid because they are trying to please everyone with PvP and PvE balance. Alongside that, they are trying to be “hardcore”, but still hold your hand. 

I have no interest in the next generation of MMOs. They are either made by quick-fix developers or old-school MMO pioneers that are out of touch with what is fun anymore. The whole genre has gotten fucked up from one game winking the lottery. Stop and think what these games are really about. That means something different for everybody, but that is why we make specific games not jack-of-all trades games. Look at the most popular games : Mincraft, Vanilla WoW, Call of Duty, Mario, Mortal Kombat ect… They all initially had a focus, even WoW. WoW used to be a PvE centric game like Everquest and it slowly morphed. 

Someday I hope to get back into MMOs, but right now they are not mentally stimulating me enough. I watched a Blade and Soul stream the other day and no matter how much the Streamer sugar coated the AMAZING combat, I had no interest in actually fighting anything because it was so mind-numbing. If I want to play Street Fighter I’ll do that not play an MMO wasting my time running around looking for a boring rat to kill. Only the PvP in Blade and Soul looked fun, but that was because it was Street Fighter. No thank you!

So I play Warframe because it knows it is a fast paced space ninja game. It started out PvE only like WoW did. It lacked the money to make it feel super ninja like in the beginning, but slowly they are really focusing on what it means to be a ninja in space. It’s not trying to be an esport or a Diablo loot piñata, it’s focusing on being a space ninja and how that would feel. As simple and grindy the game might seem at times, I always feel like a space ninja. MMOs need to start focusing on what they really are and not try to be everything. You’re a medieval RPG? Stop having a mini map and a dumbass with a ! or ? above his head. Make night time night and if you want to see use a shitty lantern. It is a medieval game start acting like medieval times. Plain and simple: focus on the true feeling of what it would be like to live in that world because that is why people play those games, not to pull +10 daggers out a rats ass. 

Bungie Brought up on Charges for Destiny The Taken King

 

Today Bungie was accused of creating excessive pain in all female vaginas. Their latest mission and future missions to acquire exotic items are said to be a “pain in the cunt :)” 
I contacted Bungie to see if they have any employees experiencing cunt pain during exotic mission hunting and this is what they said:

“We are throughly investigating these outbreaks of cunt pain as we speak. We have taken several female employees to the OB/GYN to get an extensive check up. We even to further steps and sent several men to the doctor for pains in their ass while playing the game. We are sincerely sorry if our game has caused anybody cunt or ass pain. We recommend kegal exercises and prostate milking to avoid further discomfort. “

While Bungie is looking into this problem, I am going to go home and make sure my wife hasn’t experienced any Bad Juju while I’ve been playing Destiny. 

Please seek medical attention right away if you experience any cunt pain while playing Destiny. Do not play Destiny if you are pregnant, breastfeeding, or have a catheter installed. If pain in the region persists, discontinue use of Destiny or ice the area while playing missions. Of a doctor is not available find a more than happy male to investigate the pain. If you are a male experiencing severe ass pain, take some Midol you sissy! 

5 MAJOR REASONS CITY OF HEROES SHUT DOWN

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I miss you baby!

Since 2012 when City of Heroes closed down, the world has been pointing fingers to find the blame in this tragedy.  The middle finger was pointed a lot at NCSoft and the release of two other major Superhero MMOs got a finger or two. Ultimately the blame rested on the players’ shoulders. No matter  how much you deny it, it’s your fault for being an MMO whore. During the life of City of Heroes (CoH)  over 120 MMOs were released. You decided CoH wasn’t good enough for you, so you got drunk, had some sex, and played some other STD infested game while CoH was at home crying making you dinner. You bastards!

Now that CoH is dead and you’re alone for the past 3 years, you can’t stop thinking about how good she was to you. Some of you have even tried to resurrect her on private, nectophiliac servers. It’s just not the same.  The good news for you is, I’m here to help you get over your grieving so we can move on.  That and I’m sick of hearing about some of you sticking your old CoH box in the microwave for 10 seconds then dry humping it.  Just stop, it’s gross!

While it is still your fault, there are 5 major things that happened from the release of CoH in 2004 until the closure in 2012. Three of the things were slowly eating away at CoH during that same time period. I’ll talk about the 3 events that took place from 2004 through 2012, first. Then,  I’ll talk about the 2 events that finally killed CoH in 2012.

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Facebook leads to herpies

1. SOCIAL MEDIA

During the final stages of development with CoH, 2 major social media sites launched, Linkin and MySpace. Granted those 2 released in 2003, but they paved the way for the juggernauts of social media. In 2004 Facebook launched. From 2004 when Facebook launched in 2012, when they went public Facebook captivated the attention of over 800 million people (now 1.2 billion). As a dedicated massive multiplayer online gamer, you took precious to away from CoH to screw around on Facebook. You created memes, poked, liked, selfied, and bitterly complained about your life to real people you met. All that was a total waste of your time. All those friends you’ve friended over the years  either,  don’t like you or you just want to stalk them. All those friends you made in CoH, they really miss you. Good job moron!

Once Facebook broke the social media dam damning us all, Twitter showed up in 2006 and Google got their head out of their ass in 2011 with Google Plus. Even though Twitter sit only at 800 million users with an average of 200 million using it daily and G+ just over 500 million, they are equally to blame for the closing of CoH. For some reason you still haven’t figured out who your true friends are; The ones saving your ass in Looking for Group. Hopefully someday you’ll learn nothing good ever came from social media.

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I miss you too you devious lovelies

DESPERATE HOUSEWIVES

Side-by-side CoH and Desperate Housewives ruled the years from 2004-2012. With the announcement of Desperate Housewives shutting down in its 8th season in 2012, the creators and players of CoH were devastated. No longer could the fans of both laugh, cry, wear latex pants, and be sexually charged. The end of Desperate Housewives helped put the final nail in the coffin for CoH.

Most players of CoH enjoyed their time playing the game while watching the critically acclaimed TV show. With over 2.4 million viewers every 30 minutes, Desperate Housewives was key in the success of CoH. With the passing of the show developers of CoH quickly slumped into a deep depression. After the announcement of Desperate Housewives on their final season, it was apparent CoH was on life support while everyone said their goodbyes to the beloved show. Everybody knew the end of an era was upon us and it was only logical to end it all on a high note.

Looking back at 2012 I can feel the tears welling up in my eyes. It was truly a sad year for us all. Luckily, I can watch Desperate Housewives over and over on Netflix, but I can’t play CoH. We all know you can’t have one without the other and that is why Desperate Housewives sadly sits in my “to watch”  queue.

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All superheroes belong to Marvel. Don't forget it or they'll sue you

SUPERHERO OVERLOAD

Interesting enough, for 20 years from 1984 until 2004 there was 57 superhero themed movies and from 2004-2012 there was the exact same amount. In 9 years Hollywood jammed the same amount of movies it took 20 years to do before. That is super Superhero Overload! Our bodies and minds just can’t handle that much heroness all at once. Hollywood ruined CoH for all of us. I know you don’t see it as a bad thing because we got amazing movies like Ironman,  The Dark Knight and Avengers, but what about Superman Returns,  Fantastic 4, Elektra, Green Lantern, The Spirit, Ghost Rider 1 &  2, Jonah Hex, Catwoman, and Spiderman 3? Hollywood has given us more crap movies than good. The effect it has on the human CoH brain is uncomprehendable. Think of it this way:

Your spouse likes to have sex exactly 57 times a year. Throughout the year you are starving for sex waiting for you next time to pounce. You can’t wait to do it even if it is a bad session of naked wheelbarrow. You simple don’t care, you need it. To top it all off, you are jerking off every night except the nights you do dying fish cardio. Now, take that 57 sessions and do it in 5 months. Still it doesn’t sound too bad. Instead of having sex once a week, you’re pounding beef twice a week; add two masturbation sessions in a day and your business is going to get raw. You’ll start skipping the self-service so you can enjoy quality time with your spouse.

That is why the overload in superhero movies was a major factor in the closing of CoH. Also, Marvel decided to sue CoH during the life of the game, slowing production on much needed quality of life updates. If you want to point stinky sex fingers, point them at Hollywood.

2012…

MAYAN LONG COUNT CALENDAR

Everybody was waiting for the apocalypse on December 21, 2012. Not only did the Mayan’s stop making days because they gave up on life, Nostradamus foretold a comet would kill us all. To all the dead people prior to the 21st, they were right. To all the people reading this, you’re not dead. I think… Unless this is heaven and I’m a blogger in heaven…  I’m guessing you could be dead because I was told I already have a full-time blogging job in heaven. Either way, Paragon Studios wasn’t going to wait one more second of their life on your ass. It was party time.

On May 31st 2012 CoH came out with their final update titled,  Where Shadows Lie. That title was in direct reference to the imminent destruction of the Earth. The shadows where hints Nostradamus frequently saw in his visions while he was doped up on opium or bath salts.  Paragon Studios wanted people to know how much they were lied to through the years and how they wanted to free themselves from the lies  (NCSoft). With the apocalypse upon us the employees of Paragon were free from the evils of the world. On the 31st of August, they plugged all the toilets in the studio and never looked back.

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I will crush all your fun one law at a time!

THANKS OBAMA

Most of the time CoH was alive was during Obama’s presidency. While Bush was in office CoH was thriving because the economy was so bad people needed a way to escape their sorrows and CoH was there for them. Obama came to office and the economy gradually started to get better. People started going out and socializing. There were other factors Obama had on CoH we try not to think about. Unfortunately,  it is my duty to tell you the evil he has done to us.

1. In 2012 Obama was reelected for his second term in office over Mitt Romney. Mitt thought he was a hero and should rule the world like a real hero. Obama crushed his hero dreams sending the CoH into a great depression.

2. Obamacare bill passed in 2012 making it possible for all Americans to bitch about equal healthcare for everyone. People that  normally would stay inside in fear of diseases and outrageous healthcare bills, started to go outside and make real friends. Nobody told them herpies is for life.

3. Gay equally in the military and in marriage was finally making waves in 2012 with the help of Obama. What Obama didn’t think of was us and how that affects our game time. Not only did all the straight people have spouse aggro, now all the gay community was screwed. All those years gay couples were just “partners”  and they really didn’t have the legal say to stop their partner from playing hours and hours of video games. Oooooobama screwed them! Now a gay gamer can’t have a peaceful gaming session without their spouse pulling the marriage card on them. What the hell were you thinking Obama?

So there you have it, 5 major reasons  City of Heroes shut down. I’m not saying they are THE reason it was shut down, just major reasons why. Ultimately, it was all your fault for not playing the game when it was active. Yeah, I’ve heard all your excuses and I’m sick of hearing how sad you are without CoH, but it really is your damn fault. Stop whining and play your favorite MMO before that one shuts down too. You never know what the future holds for us. A new election is coming up and that comet Nostradamus prophesied never happened. You just never know. One thing you can count on though, is me blogging in heaven for you.

Editorial: Roberts vs Smart

Note: I don’t not know half the story and I’m not going to attempt to try to sound smart about it. What I want to talk about is understanding the effects of it all. I personally want to understand why this is happening and what either side will gain from it in the end. I don’t know the facts and frankly, it’s none of my business, but the thought of it gets me down. I normally write humor and the past couple weeks the news of Smart vs Roberts has got me thinking seriously. Trust me, that’s a bad thing. When I get serious stupid shit comes out of my mouth and it’s a lose/lose situation. Luckily for you, today is the day you lose.

$87,000,000

That’s a lot of money! That makes Star Citizen a triple-A title. It’s very cool to have an idea as an independent company to make a game for a measly $500K and get $87 million. That kind of support boosts your ego quickly. Possibly the intentions of Cloud Imperium Games (CIG)  and Roberts isn’t to make a triple-A games, but to make the best damn game they can. The money influx is just a byproduct of how amazing the community is and how much they support the game. It’s not their fault people give them money. Their “investors” want the best game they can get and if that eats years of development and them forking out more money, so be it. 

The problem with crowd funding and letting the people have the voice of your product is lack of common ground. Instead of having a cooperation with a board of directors funding Star Citizen, they have over 40,000 (Twitter numbers) investors with an equal voice. That sounds very chaotic to me. Of course the people investors really don’t have a very big pull in the ultimate decisions, but the lack of real investors removes the checks and balances set in place by games made by cooperate companies. In essence CIG is a independent developer with cooperate funds without the hefty contracts investors require to safeguard their cash. Those contacts get shit done or else, bye bye money flow. The only way Star Citizen would get this same effect is if the majority of 40k people said one day, “enough is enough!” 

Unfortunately, like a gambling addict or a World of Warcraft player, these people are invested to the point of no return. Any sign of the game floundering and they will throw more money in the slot to hit the jackpot some day. Unintentionally, CIG is praying on the hopes and dreams of middle to lower class people. Yes, I’m pretty damn sure they are not doing it on purpose to be evil bastards. Some people, like Derek Smart, can see the snowball that is Star Citizen, rolling down the hill picking up speed. That snowball is crushing it’s faithful followers as it rolls faster and faster out of control. All they can do is lay there in its wake as their wallets bleed out to death slomly. You have a couple choices as a minor investor of Star Citizen:

1. Take your losses and get out of the way before you get crushed.

2. Take a ball in the face and hope for the best in the future.

3. Add more snow and push it as it passes you.

4. Make an ass of yourself on the Internet because you can.

5. Help figure out a way to stop the snowball before it explodes into a vapor mist.

SMART

I think Derek Smart is a brilliant  guy. I also think he is wrong in this. It is not his place. He WAS an investor of a tiny tiny amount of $250 out of the Grand $2.1 million raised on Kickstarter in 2012. Coming from a guy that has several of his own games and owns a Tesla car, $250 is backup toilet paper.  He got his $250 back so what’s the big deal?

I really, really understand where he’s coming from. I do. He wants to do a good deed. He is extremely smart and can see the big picture how CIG is fucking up. We get it, they have their head up their asses and you want justice for 40k people. If Smart doesn’t stand up for what is right, then who will? He is really trying to do a good thing here, but his way of going about it is bad. People say he’s just trying to get publicity for his game; I’m sorry, but doing what Smart is doing will definitely make his game die a quicker death. His plan of attack is ill planned and will hurt everyone in it’s wake. It is just an emotionally charged mess.

RSI Twitter page sits at 40k followers (I understand they are not all investors, but all investors are not on Twitter. 40k is a good guess for investors right now)  and Derek Smart has 4k. That is a huge difference between a game that isn’t made and a developer that has made several games. The disparity between the 2 logicly points to Smart as the lesser developer. Personally, he can make excuses as to why he isn’t as popular and why his games will never be as successful as Star Citizen already is, but at the end of the day it just boils down to skills. He doesn’t have the skills required to be as successful as Chris Roberts and CIG, sorry.

For me, I’ll never be a great writer. I will never be a great blogger. I do not have the skills Syp or Tobold posses. I’m just not good enough and I’m ok with that. Shit, I’m 99% sure this will only be read by 10 people and I’m ok with that. I just don’t hold the skill set required to be a great blogger/writer no matter how much I practice. But, I do not go on other blogs to bring them down or try to get my name out there in a negative way. That is just wong and selfish. Is it really worth my popularity to bring others down? No because no matter how stupid I think another blogger is, I don’t act like a dickhead in the name of my ideas of justice.

I believe Derek Smart is a leader. Sadly, he is a toxic leader right now. All his brilliance and knowledge is being used to negatively impact other people. He might not see it that way, but it is what is happening. To be a great leader the leader identifies the needed change, creates a vision to guide the change through inspiration, and executes the change with the commitment of the members of the group. Unfortunately, that is not what Smart is doing. It breaks my heart to think a person with his knowledge and understanding of the game industry could easily help CIG, not hinder. It would just take a few seconds to ask himself, “how can I help?”

I know it’s hard to suck up one’s ego, but maybe, if Smart helped Roberts succeed and not try to make them both fail, there could be a game like we’ve never seen before. I understand Star Citizen is in direct competition with Smart’s games, but helping 40k people get the game they’ve dreamed about could reap benefits for Smart in the long run. No longer would he be the crazy-ass developer of subpar games, he would be the developer that selflessly helped get the game they always wanted.  That is a crusade destined for righteous justice. I’d buy a Derek Smart anything after that. He would embody what it means to be a leader and finally inspire people. He wants to crusade for what is righteous, then inspire us first.

CONCLUSION

I don’t assume to know what is really going on  with this Roberts vs Smart war, but I know it’s not helping anybody. It is proving to society gamers are crazy and petty. None of the press from this debacle is good. There is back and forth childish behavior from thousands of adults lead by these 2.  Smart says he doesn’t want the game to fail only Roberts to leave the project, but would Smart leave his command if an asshat asked him to? As much as he thinks he would step down from his position for the greater good of the game, he would be lying to himself. Just like Roberts, he is emotionally invested in his game; A game that has acquired almost a 100 million dollars from peon gamers they call investors.

I challenge Derek Smart to be more positive.  He needs drive around in his $100k Tesla and ask himself, “why? Why am I doing this? How can I help not hinder my beloved game industry? How can I become a leader and a role model? How can I put my ego aside and help?” 

If he’s already answered these questions then he’s doing it wrong and needs to reevaluate his initial answers. Through the years he has been seen as a strong, bold, brilliant, pig-headed, asshole. It is ok to have a strong unwavering will, but it is not ok to use that as an excuse why you’re an ass to other people.

On the other hand, I challenge Chris Roberts to ask himself a few questions of his own,  “How can I get this game done? What can I learn from Derek Smart? Why haven’t I delivered on any of my promises to my thousands of faithful investors/fans?”

Not only the investors of Star Citizen at risk in this squabble, other indie developers are looking up to them and counting on them to succeed. This is the biggest Kickstarter game success or failure to date. No matter which way the pieces fall, Star Citizen will impact the future of crowd funded games. 

Both of them need to suck it up so they don’t fuck it up.  Right now,  they are bringing down the whole indie gaming industry and the media is pulling their puppet strings just for greedy hits. It’s a full circle of greed on everyone’s part. In essence we are bullying each other just to get attention. If we ever want to be taken seriously as a hobby we need to band together and help each other succeed or fail in a dignifing way. Things like EA being the worst company in America needs to stop. We look like morons. I leave you with this…

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You ever wonder why we look like idiots to the world? It’s not the guy in the Venom suit and it’s not because he’s fat. It’s because we don’t have each other’s back and we constantly make fun of each other for who we are.  Most gamers are middle to lower class. Subsequently, the largest amount of obese people are middle to lower class, percentage wise. This guy is mainly made fun of by his peers. That is messed up! We would rather bully each other instead of help.

These developers are doing the same thing. They are treating each other like crap as veterans of the industry, setting the example for our younger developer generation. I wouldn’t back either of them based on their lack of ability to lead and be professionals. There is a time and a place to stand your ground and be heard, but this bullshit between Roberts and Smart is not the right time. No matter who you think is right and who shot first , they are both wrong. Promises were made and words were said, it’s time to stop and help each other find a way.

Derek Smart is driving a car named after a selfless inventor that only wanted to help mankind move forward in peace.

Chris Roberts is building a game on the idea of discovery, exploration, and pure creativity.

Two beautiful things, two fucked up egos.